Amy Cox - Brand Ambassador
Hi, i’m Amy!
I didn’t realise it to begin with but I first started getting signs that I was suffering with anxiety problems at the age of 25. I worked on the shop floor of a jewellery shop. It was a lovely job which never got stressful, with a group of girls who made me laugh until I cried at least once a day. The early shift started at 8.30, and involved setting up the shop before the shutters opened. Some days I’d have to clean the big glass windows, and other mornings I’d be making sure the jewellery was sat perfectly on the little grey cushions. No matter which simple but perfectly pleasant task I was handed on those early shifts, the same feeling would always hit me, in that half an hour between when I started and when the first customer walked through the door. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt before – a swarm of butterflies would flit around in the pit of my stomach, and this horrible feeling of dread would lurk over my shoulder. I knew that I was fine, that today was going to be like every other day, but back it came, every morning like clockwork.
By the time I’d moved from the jewellery shop into a marketing role in an office, I still hadn’t identified this weird feeling. It would come and go, and I would continue to ignore it, putting it down to hormones, or an ‘off’ day, or me just being, you know, a bit of a worrier. One afternoon, after a bit of a touch meeting, I popped into Tesco, where I had a full-blown ‘can’t breathe, think I’m dying’ kind of panic attack. A phone call with my Mum that evening, who has fought similar things throughout her life, gave it a name. Hi anxiety.
Up until the summer of last year, anxiety, as much as it tried, failed to stop me in my tracks too much. I was working for a digital marketing agency, which was fast-paced (I think they call it ‘dynamic’), full-on, and one of those jobs in which your work is never done. What a great place for a sufferer of anxiety I hear you cry - hindsight is a great thing, right?!
One day, something new happened. I cracked, and my brain just broke. Although I’ve never pinned it on the job, (there was a lot going on in other areas of my life, too) it certainly didn’t help. I had my second panic attack at the age of 32 in a toilet cubicle, and it didn’t really stop until 6 months later. I spent that whole summer signed off work, in a state of terror. I couldn’t do the simplest things – from driving my car, to holding a conversation – even making eye contact was a struggle. I remember feeling small. My voice was faint, and laughing was completely out of the question. The world was scary, and I didn’t want to face it. I couldn’t face it. I wasn’t just suffering with anxiety, I was showing symptoms of depression, too.
There were lots of things that helped to me out of that dark and scary place. I quit my job – it clearly wasn’t for me, and I unfortunately wasn’t getting the support I needed. I found another job in a place which just felt like a safe environment from the day I walked in for my first interview. It turns out that my gut feeling was spot-on, and since joining their support has been like a breath of fresh air.
Aside from changing my job, I put my ‘recovery’ last summer down to a few things. Visiting my GP for the first time to talk about my mental health felt terrifying. “But I’m not really ill”, I kept on telling myself, “He won’t understand”. I was wrong – my doctor was incredible, and speaking to him was like stepping onto the first rung of the ladder out of that dark place. I read a lot of books (including everything that Matt Haig has written) and listened to a load of podcasts. When I felt awful, I’d get my trainers on and head out into the countryside for a long walk, with a few podcasts lined up. I would scour the internet for any golden nuggets of wisdom that would help me pull through, whether it be a quote, a story to get me to sleep, or some reassuring words of advice from someone who had been through all of this too.
It’s really bloody good to talk. I know, you’ve heard that a million times, and its cliché, but it’s true. A couple of months ago I had another episode – not nearly half as traumatic as the last one, but bad enough to stop me functioning properly for a couple of weeks. I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and went to a festival with some friends to let my hair down for the day. I spotted Lauren and her YANA pop up shop, and headed over – I’m a fashion junkie, and I’d spotted a T shirt I liked. As I got closer, I read the slogans on the clothes and that 10% of the sales went to Mind, and started smiling. (I say smiling, I was probably crying a little bit too, but let’s blame that on the gins, shall we?)
Needless to say, I bought a T shirt without hesitation, and wear it a lot. I’m not too sure that I would have worn it quite so proudly a year ago, but I’ve learnt that there’s something quite empowering about telling the world that you struggle, and that you know what? That’s ok. I talk about my mental health a lot now, and brands like YANA are making that a lot easier. Wearing your anxiety or depression across your chest says ‘Hey, I have mental illness, and if you do too, I see you’, and I love that.
Ending the stigma of mental illness is really important to me, which is why I’m so behind YANA and everything it stands for as a brand!
Fancy joining us in spreading the word and beating the stigma? You can use Amy’s exclusive discount code ‘AMY10’ in the our Etsy shop to save yourself 10% across all items - even sale items!
